Both of my girls seem to have selected a very lovely core group of friends that they spend time with. Jim and I have witnessed some pretty special moments with these children. I know that there are ups and downs with friends, especially for girls, and I think my daughters have been pretty lucky so far to avoid any real, long-lasting heartache. I believe that’s because they’ve got some pretty good friends—and for this, I think we’re ALL blessed!
The thing that struck me this afternoon was the spectacular display of manners one friend just exhibited. Josie asked if she could have one of her friends over and we said that’d be fine. She called the friend, and luckily, she was available, and she headed right over. As she was walking in the front door, the first words out of her mouth were “Thanks for inviting me over!” I just think this is wonderful! I mean, it was said out of sincerity, and yet, she didn’t make a big deal out of it—like “Oh, I need to make sure I tell you thank-you so your parents will hear me and see how polite I am” (a la Eddie Haskell). She just made a comment in passing and moved on.
It made me wonder, how many people (namely parents) are really instilling the value of good manners in their children these days? I remember that it was a huge part of our upbringing when my older brother and I were growing up, and I can say the same for Jim and his siblings. We were taught not to speak until spoken to (when in the company of adults), we said ‘please’ or ‘thank-you’, we knew better than to ever talk back, we never argued with what our parents said and we tried very hard not to whine. When we answered the phone, we had fantastic phone manners. (I witnessed these in another friend of my daughter’s, the other day, when I called to talk to that friend’s mother, who is a friend of mine.) We wrote thank-you notes for all gifts received, for vacations spent with family members, etc. And we didn’t automatically expect anything (payments, rewards, kudos or thanks) for doing household chores… we merely did them because they were our chores.
Are we raising our children by the same standards today that we were raised by when we were growing up? I doubt it. And I know that some of this is because we maybe want to be a little less strict with our kids than our parents were with us. I think that’s okay, to a certain extent. But I don’t think that the manners our children display should suffer for that more laid-back approach to parenting.
I can’t say that I’m perfect in this respect… that my children are so much better than anyone else’s—I’m just as guilty as the next parent, when it comes to being lax about instilling good values. But I’m also grateful when I see someone who really seems to go above and beyond the average kid.
