Didn't I JUST write something about being technologically savvy? (And then admitting that I'm not?) It's true--I'm not. I just spent the past two and a half weeks trying to figure out how to get umpteen pop-ups to stop on my computer. They're apparently called Adware, and I had them coming out my a**! I had pop-up blocker on at the highest level, I had special software downloaded to stop it, I ran virus scans constantly. Nothing I did would stop those stupid pop-ups. Finally, after talking to someone else who happened to be having her own techno-problems at the time, I came to face facts: I was going to have to strip the computer down and 'rebuild it' from the back-up disc. But guess what? Dell computers don't come with a back-up disc! I couldn't find mine anywhere!!! I finally found a slip of paper in my Dell stuff that says just that "Dell computers don't come with a back-up CD. Instead, go to PC restore......" So I copied everything I wanted to save onto CD's... you know, the cool music I'd been downloading since Christmas, pictures I'd taken and received over the past year (including those of my friend Kristin during her recent visit), the few games I'd downloaded, etc. After I copied all that stuff, I did the PC restore. I was scared, but it came back up fine. Only problem was that I couldn't connect to the internet successfully. Finally, a day after restoring my computer, I called my ISP and found out I needed a new modem. I picked that up and once I got back to where I was comfortable, I started working on reloading all the stuff I'd copied to discs. Um. There was nothing on them but shortcuts. All that stuff I'd spend hours copying to CD's.... just shortcuts. I have no pictures. I have no music. I have no games. It truly IS as if I'd just gotten this computer. Somehow, my favorites were saved and all my e-mail addresses were saved, but none of the e-mail messages (including crucial stuff about Girl Scouts, my parents' anniversary party, etc.) are there anymore! All of it is gone!!! Want to know what I believe was the cause of all of this? Limewire. It's a place where you download this software that connects you with other people's computers, and you can download anything they want to 'share' with you. It's supposed to be safe and legitimate, and it probably is. But there are enough jackballs out there who upload viruses or even just faulty items--seriously--just to screw with unsuspecting idiots (like me). So yes, I miss the "free" stuff I was downloading. But I think it was kharma speaking to me: nothing is really free in life, even from people who want to share something they may have paid for... and when you take something without paying for it, you end up paying for it after all. (Mmm... deep.....)

He ain't heavy... he's my brother

I've been thinking about my older brother a lot lately. We'll call him CB. CB lives on the East Coast, and he's been there for more of my life than he spent near what I consider 'home'. We're just two and a half years apart. I always felt like we looked out for each other. We got each other into trouble, yes, but when it came down to the big stuff, we always took care of each other and didn't care about anyone else. (I kind of feel like that's the sort of relationship my daughters have... which is awesome.) When I was 17, my brother joined the Navy and was sent East after boot camp. He was stationed on a ship--rather, a carrier--that was in dry-dock for the duration of my brother's time in the Service. I think he's pretty bummed, or at least he was for a while, that he never got to sail out and travel around. My husband was also in the Navy (at the same time, but he was stationed on a frigate), and he got to see a good portion of the world. I think that's pretty cool. Anyway, my brother left when I was 17, and I've been out to see him a couple of times, and he's come back a handful of times for visits (alone or with his wife, whom he met there, and their daughter). It's crazy to me to think that someone I saw nearly every day for 17 years, someone I fought with and laughed with and even protected, in my odd way, is so far away from me now. I feel closer to him than anyone else in my family, but I probably talk to him less often than everyone else. Sometimes I feel like he understands me better than anyone else, and I understand him better too. Yet, there are times that I get the feeling there's so much space and time between us that we'll never understand each other the way we did when we were kids. I miss him. CB is smart, funny, well-read, intuitive, considerate, quick-witted, intellectual, laid back, hard-working, silly, and serious. His eyes almost always smile, even when his mouth isn't smiling... like he's got some joke on you or maybe like he's trying to make light of intense situations. He's got a cheerful spirit and can find joy in his life, even during its lowest points. He has taught me many, many things. He taught me to love myself, to be true to myself, to accept that I may not 'fit in' with every crowd--but that 'fitting in' isn't always what it's cracked up to be, to look on the bright side of things, to try to see things from the other person's perspective, to trust few but to trust them deeply, to keep a song in my heart,and to feel free to dance when the spirit moves me, no matter where I am. I love him. CB is someone that I am constantly watching for, even though I know he's not here. I'll see someone who looks nothing like him, but there's something about the way that person walks or something in their eyes or their smile... and I think of CB. Sometimes, I hear him in my younger brother's laugh (let's call him KB), which is strange. The two look nothing alike, they don't really act alike at all, and it's rare for me to even see them together. There's so many years between CB and KB, it's like I have two different lives--those years growing up with CB, and the later years, with KB, as I was becoming an adult and growing independent (and bitchy). To hear CB's laugh coming out of KB is extremely surreal. But again, it makes me think of (and almost picture) CB. I honestly expect, at any moment, to turn a corner and see him sauntering towards me with a cigarette poked jauntily out of his mouth, hands in his pockets, devilish gleam in his eyes. I do so miss him!

Everybody's talkin' 'bout bagism!

"All we are saying.... is give peace a chance!" Actually, everybody's not talking about bagism (whatever that was, John Lennon!), everybody's not talking about anything. Everybody's all about agism, it seems like. I can't get over how many people point out how "old" I am... unless, of course, I'm talking to people older than me. Then I notice that they're in the same boat--that I'm the one making THEM feel older. Except with me, it's not a conscious thing. (At least, I don't TRY to do it consciously... maybe once in a great while I'll make a quick remark or quip... but mostly, I try to be more considerate about that.) But I work with, or sometimes volunteer with, younger people--as in teenagers and young adults. It's frustrating to me how big of an issue my age is. It's not like I'm going out socializing with this younger crowd. I just happen to spend a little bit of time with them, at work or during these volunteer events. My question is: WHY is it such a big deal all of a sudden? When I was a teenager or young adult, if I was around older people, I don't think I made such an issue out of it. Is it possible that I did, and I was just so clueless about what I was doing? Can I be so callous? Perhaps I'm STILL doing it, to people that are older than me now... and I'm STILL not aware of it. Geez, I hope I can be a little more thoughtful than that! Maybe I shouldn't have even written this--my apologies to anyone older than me! (And to those of you who are younger than me: take a lesson--we don't like having it pointed out that we're older!)

What's cookin'?

I love to cook. Never thought I would--the most intense cooking I used to do was to unwrap a frozen burrito and nuke it for a minute or two. But I got into the Pampered Chef scene (and trust me, it IS a 'scene') and I found out that cooking is a lot of fun! Perhaps it's my love of eating that feeds (get it? 'feeds'?) that love. I don't know. I just know that creating something out of loose ingredients is cool. That said, I think it's funny that I make a lot of things that we, as a family, eat, from box-mixes. Y'know, Hamburger Helper, jambalaya, pancakes, mac 'n cheese, cakes & brownies, etc. It's not for lack of recipes, though, trust me! I absolutely LOVE gathering new recipes! At my family's "white elephant" gift exchange this Christmas, I got a box of paperback cookbooks--and I was THRILLED! I'm always searching on-line for new recipes. I buy way more cookbooks than I have space for, and I ask for more as gifts. (Hint: the one I really want but haven't found/received yet is "The Wise Guy Cookbook..." by Henry Hill.) The ironic thing about all that recipe collecting is that I rarely try any new recipes out. My kids are picky eaters, and when I make up my weekly menu, I'm usually in a hurry.... So I don't usually take the time to sort through recipes that look good to me ('good' meaning tasty, not too time consuming, not too many--or too strange--ingredients) AND look like food my girls will try. Let's face it, if it's not hot dogs, cheesy tortillas, or mac 'n cheese, there's a good chance they won't eat whatever it is! (Even if they've eaten it and liked it in the past!)

Not the best picture of me, but it's fairly current and holds good memories--hangin' out in Albion over Labor Day! 

How technology savvy am I, really?

While I try very hard to keep up to date on the latest technology (okay, that's a lie), I'm still a bit confused as to what the exact definition of "blog" is. I mean, why not call it "online journal, accessable to others" or "personal message board" or something like that? I guess I'm just a little unclear as to where the word "blog" came about. It's not a word that was ever used for anything else, then was applied to mean what it means now. Does that make sense? Anyway, I guess I do want to try to keep abreast of most new technology, although it's very hard, being a stay-at-home Mom. I mean, there's no real need for me to rush right out and get the latest Blackberry. (And why do they call it that? I prefer cherries, or even strawberries... If I got one of those, couldn't I choose the flavor myself?) I recently got myself a PDA (still not sure what those letters stand for--I always used them as Public Display of Affection!), though the one I got is so cheap, I rarely even use it. Believe me, despite being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom), I do have a lot of different things on my schedule to keep track of! There's volunteering at school, Brownie meetings (I'm co-leader of my 7-year-old's troop), babysitting at Jazzercise (it used to get me free classes, but now they're 1/2 price, which is still a good deal), plus my work on the Art Show committee for my Church, my 7-year-old's CCD classes, homeschooling and occasional play-dates for my 4-year-old... AND, of course, my few weekly shifts at the local grocery store where I cashier. So much to do, so little time to blog. Yikes! Look what I've done... I blogged after all! (It almost sounds like I did something dirty, doesn't it?)