Bad Mom

Okay, in the past four days or so, I've hurt two of my three children. Don't get the idea that I'm abusing them, 'cuz I'm not. Both times, it's been an accident.

A few days ago, Jim decided we should go for a walk. We've started doing that a lot in the evenings... it's a good way to entertain Donovan, and the weather's been nice enough to make it enjoyable. Well, this particular evening, it was "spitting" when we started out, but we didn't think it'd be a big deal--we all wore jackets, and Jim held our big black umbrella over Donovan's stroller. We got half-way around the block when it started to rain for real. Jim, Donovan and Josie were well ahead of Lindsay and me. We got to the last 1/4 of the block, or so, and it started to just pour on us! Lindsay and I grabbed each other's hands and we started running--neither of us really enjoy running much, and neither of us are very good at it. But boy, we were running then! It wasn't exactly cold, but it wasn't like being out in the rain in the middle of July, either. So we finally got home--where, of course, Jim and Donovan and Josie had already been for about five minutes--and we came into the basement, through the garage, and started taking off our wet shoes and jackets, etc. I walked in after Lindsay, and I swung the door shut behind me. What I didn't see, until it was too late, was that Lindsay had her fingers on the doorjam, holding on as she was peeling off her socks. In slow motion, I reached out to stop the door, but I was too late. It slammed right onto her fingertips! It wasn't a really hard slam, but it did, indeed, squish her little fingers! I immediately grabbed her hand and stuck it in my mouth as she stood there, whimpering and trying so hard not to cry. She was unsuccessful. However, she didn't cry long, and when she saw that I was about to cry, feeling so badly about what I'd done, she pulled herself together quickly and told me she was okay. I felt awful for the rest of the evening, even though her fingers looked fine and she kept telling me they were feeling better.

Last night, after I gave Donovan his bath, I sat down to feed him. He only ate off one breast and then fell asleep. I asked Jim to bring me the fingernail clippers--it's difficult clipping his nails at ANY time, but if I can catch him when he's sleeping, he moves around a lot less. (Donovan never seems to be completely still, but he is a lot more so when he's asleep.) So I started on his left hand. I got through two or three fingers when Josie and Lindsay started asking me questions about what I was doing, asking me to look at the pages they were coloring, etc. I tried to get them to stop distracting me, as I needed to concentrate on what I was doing. No sooner had I said that when I started in on his thumb--the last finger on the first hand I was working on. Sure enough, I nicked the skin. He woke up screaming and continued to scream for three or four minutes. Again, I've got his thumb in my mouth. I'm not sure this technique actually works to soothe my children, but it makes ME feel better about it! I felt so awful--poor little guy! The tip of his thumb was bleeding a bit, so I just kept sucking on it as he tried to calm himself down. Then I remembered, he'd only eaten off of one breast--I still had the other to offer him! The ultimate source of comfort!!! Once Donovan started eating, his thumb was forgotten--at least to him.

Lindsay asked me, as I sat there near tears, "Have you done anything bad to Josie, too?" I tried to laugh off the comment, and I said, "I'm sure I probably have at some point." To which Lindsay replied, "No, I mean, have you hurt her on her fingers too?" Yes, dear, I realized what you meant the first time! I told her I didn't know and asked her to get her PJ's on. I really didn't want to talk about it anymore. Well, it's a new day and hopefully I won't hurt Josie at all, nor will I hurt the other two kids again. However, Donovan does have five more fingernails that need clipping--I think they're going to get pretty long, 'cuz now I'm afraid to clip them!

My Boy

It's already been several days since I took this picture--you can still see the purple on Donovan's tongue from the Gentian Violet (he and I had to use that to treat thrush)--but I thought I'd post it, since it's the most recent picture I have of him on the computer.

Donovan and I are totally growing used to life together! For such a long time, it was a combination of no sleep, pain from my C-Section (the incision took a little longer than usual to heal), and difficulties with breastfeeding. I loved Donovan instantly, but for a while there, I was not liking the effects of having had him! Does that make sense?

Anyway, now I'm getting more sleep (enough so that I even feel good about getting up early and working out in the morning, usually after his first a.m. feeding), my incision has finally healed up nicely (which also helps motivate me to work out), and the breastfeeding is finally starting to really improve. There's still a bit of pain, as the thrush we dealt with caused some nasty breakdown of tissue for me. (I won't go into detail.) But with meds and patience, it's all getting better. We're doing very well. I'm hoping that my moods have improved, too, and I'm not such a witch anymore. (And that's one thing I'm hoping working out will continue to improve!)

YBB Goddess in Training

Okay, I'm not sure I'm comfortable with "Goddess in Training", but that's what you'd call me now... I recently made my first purchase off an infomercial--DVD's for Yoga Booty Ballet. It took eight days for my DVD's to arrive (they were supposed to do "free express shipping", to arrive within 5-7 days, but we had President's Day in there, so I cut 'em some slack), and that was one of those things where I was watching every day for the package to arrive. I could hardly wait!

Let me back up a bit. Many of you may know, I was a HUGE fan of Jazzercise. My sister-in-law, Anne, got me into going way back when I started dating Jim, ten years ago. I was kind of off- and on-again into it until about five years ago. Then I started going regularly, and I became friends with Anita (who also went to the same Church as me, as well as growing up in my hometown and going to my same grade school and high school, though five years behind me). It was the connection I had with Anita that really got me motivated to go to Jazzercise more often. We kind of helped keep each other motivated. Jazzercise was super fun and it was the first (and only) kind of exercise I'd ever tried that I actually liked. I'm not athletic at all, but I can dance.

Well, Anita had two babies in a row and kind of tapered off going to Jazzercise. I kept going (usually at 5:45 in the morning during that last year or so) until I, myself, became pregnant. Due to the fact that I'd had a miscarriage the year before, when I started spotting after working out, I decided I shouldn't work out at all during this pregnancy. I knew I would miss "Jazz" (and I did), but I definitely had to do what was right for my baby. For probably three years, I had been babysitting at Jazzercise in return for free classes. During my pregnancy, I continued to babysit, so I could maintain my membership.

Once Donovan was born, I realized I wouldn't really have time to make it to class, working around dropping the girls off at school, feeding Donovan every 2-3 hours, eating my own meals, and picking the girls up from school. And I definitely wouldn't have time to babysit! I imagined I'd go to the babysitting room (where there were often up to 12 kids there for me to handle alone, for nearly two hours) and I'd be more concerned about taking care of my own baby than taking care of other people's kids. So I quit.

In comes Yoga Booty Ballet (YBB). I saw an infomercial one day while nursing Donovan and decided this was the answer for me. It looked like some fun dancing, good cardio, with some strength training as well. And I had to admit, the name of the workout alone had me intrigued. I explained my plight to Jim, and a week later, I had my DVD's. The package came with three DVD's (one of the DVD's has two workouts on it, as well as 'rehearsal and meditation'), a guide book (which has a great schedule of workouts, so I'm not just doing the same thing over and over again, as well as a nutrition guide), a 7-Day Diet Plan, and a "squishy ball", which is used in some of the workouts.

I had the YBB stuff for about a week before even beginning. You might think, 'If she was so excited to get this package, why did she wait a week before trying it?' Right. Well, for one thing, I had a hard time figuring out when I'd squeeze those workouts in (see comments above regarding Jazzercise). But I think part of it, too, was that I just wasn't emotionally ready yet. I knew that once I started, I'd probably want to start eating better. **I cannot 'diet' at this point, or I will lose my milk. However, I can make better choices, and I haven't been doing that as of yet.** But one day last week, I again tried on my "fat" jeans--the ones that used to be too big for me before I got pregnant. I still can't zip them up! I'm STILL wearing maternity clothes and my baby is 2 1/2 months old!

So I started YBB on Monday. It was a gentle workout, to ease me into it--just the rehearsal & meditation part plus the abs section from the 1st workout. Then Tuesday and Wednesday, I did the full workout (and, on Tuesday, the rehearsal & meditation part, too). It's TOUGH!!! Today is my day of rest--I'll get two of those for these first three weeks, and then in week 4, I'll go down to only one day of rest. Last night, I was watching the 2nd workout of the first DVD, and it's definitely going to bust my butt. The choreography doesn't look too much different from stuff I've done at Jazzercise--there are a few different little tweaks here and there--but it's pretty fast-paced, which is exciting. It'll take me a while to get it down.

I had gained about 65 pounds during my pregnancy.... YIKES! But without even trying to lose weight, I've lost 43 pounds so far. (Again, this is BEFORE I even started YBB.) That's the beauty of breastfeeding!!! Still, it's time for me to get active again, and just in the past coupld of days with those more intense workouts, I could definitely tell I was starting to crave healthier foods. That's going to be the toughest change for me, especially since I still want a high calorie intake to keep my milk supply up and rich. But I am hoping for positive changes! I'm a YBB Goddess in Training!!!

Dress Up

A few days ago, the girls were playing dress up and giving Daddy a "fashion show". They'd take turns parading from their bedroom down the hallway to the living room, where Jim was sitting. They were both strutting and flouncing along the way they imagine models do. Each time back in their bedrooms, they'd add or change something minor about their outfits, so they could keep the show going smoothly.

Well, at one point, Josie decided to get into the drama of the whole thing. She said to Lindsay, "Pretend that you said, 'Why do people always say "We love Josie!" and why do they always take YOUR picture?'"
Obliging, Lindsay said, "Why do people always say, 'We love Josie!' and why do they always take YOUR picture?"
Josie replied, "Because YOU'RE so bossy and mean."
At this point, I called Lindsay into the room where I was, and I told her to tell Josie it was because she is a diva.
Lindsay said to Josie, "I'm not bossy and mean. I'm a DIVA!"
Josie didn't know what to say to that. She came to me and asked me what a diva is. I kind of explained it to her, and I said that all models are divas.
Josie replied, "Well, I'M not a diva. I'm a sweet and cute, considerate angel."
I sort of snorted, trying to hold back my laughter, at which point Josie put her hands on her hips and said, "Well, I AM!!!"